MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE..

Its been a rocky relationship this one,it's been on and off and has been on several rough patches.This time though it's enough we're through!
However,even as I cut all ties with you I must say it was great while it lasted.I experienced highs that had me dizzy ,leaving my head throbbing from the activities we had been up to the previous night.
When we started off you were bitter,real bitter but the more we chilled out on those hot afternoons or during the soccer games you really sweetened up and left my throat thirsty for you and in the nick of time gave me all the comfort i could get from the south.
Our relationship was intoxicating and so was the company.The guys you introduced me to were from the school of cool:Jack(Daniels),Johnny(Walker),Piotr Smirnov(Smirnoff) just some of the fine gentlemen who made up our round table.I'll carry the memories with me but for now its a wrap,i'm out,baadaye,au revoiur,hasta la vista.....

P.S.If you'll be looking for me,i'll be in Guru Majabu'z Monastery...

My First Time...

So after the nights carousing,boogying and oozing of pure charm to all and sundry i decided to call it a night or so i thought..
But alas!here i was,standing as if rooted to the very spot i was on,and there she was,infront of me and still as statue as if trying to make it seem like it was her first time as well so as to ease my tension,but we both knew better.
Like any male worth the hair on his chest, i didn't want to display any excess amateur fumbling,gropping or the ever mortifying fear of not knowing where and how to insert..u know?the device!!!However i managed to put it in without creating an unnecessary mess.For i knew,any mess?and we would both be smouldering in flames from the heat of what we were doing.Once in control,i put my trembling hand on her rear for support as the job was now almost "halfway done" partly dissapointed that the two minutes had gone so fast.
After my final gush i slowly pulled it out still careful not to make any mess and very proud of myself that i hadn't..
And that..
was my first time..
actually fuelling my car.

Now take your filthy mind to the laundry!!

Romeo Must Die.

Venue:Cafe in nairobery
Time:1730 hrs
Event:Me trying to romanz my kabaibe...

So i decided to make up for my physical absence from better half's side for the past two weeks by taking her for a cuppa as we catch up.Which ought to be a prity gud idea for QT ryt?WRONG!!

We were sitted thea.Me, waxing her lyrical,as i flashed my pearly whites and She, batting her sexy eyelashes at me and everything was da kodak moment until some guy walks in in a lavender shirt(not purple,lavender)some tight ass jeans and stylish gucci loaferz and i know what ur wondering,which is,what was i doing looking at dis guy-from top to down like dat when ma mrs was in da hizi-if i don't swing both ways?Well the man walked in,the full shakespeare mode:

a ginormous(gigantic+enormous) bouqet of flowers,
a poem
the kaexpensive goodiebag



So what's a brother to do in such a scenario when a negro walks in and steals the thunder pamoja with its rain at ur festival?Anyway game ni game ama..

Then ma damsel openend her mouth and spoke what seemed like everyother chic in da cafe was thinking......"How come u never do dat?"

Can u bliv dat!How nw?!

After dis man has struggled to take her to a restaraunt with an overpriced menu,undersized plates and an italian name thats an organ in da digestive system?am asked dat?!Cmon!

I smile switly to prevent myself from going into a "Nigga moment" and play blonde "What u mean honeybun?"
"U know becoming all sensitive and mellow with me?" She replies.
So i went into autopilot and just nodded as she talked and told me evrything i apparently don't do.But truly inside i was cursing "Mr. Romeo" and all his soap opera watching wanna be's who give the rest of mankind such a hard task being male.
Why couldn't he have pulled such a move in the confines of his bedroom and save us all this?I can't understand what it is, what it it do or what does what,with these brethren who put us in such uncomfy positions all in the name of being romantic.N that's why today am sending out a death warrant:
WANTED PREFERABLY DEAD THAN ALIVE
Any slick looking dude who believes he's THE gift to all mamaz
if spotted with flowers,poems,candy or any other weapon of female destruction shoot to kill,maime or disfigure.The assailant is usualy in a lavender shirt-not purple,lavender.
.Find him,Do him in.

ROMEO MUST DIE

I'm hating da man in da mirror!!

So there i was,seated,with perspiration trickling down my face.I couldn't believe dat this was happening i thought i had quit this vice,i thought i was stronger than this only to fall back into the pit...
What was i thinking when i decided to ask the waiter to do dat?!I had the option of askin for anything.A bottle of dasani water to clean my system,picana perhaps but instead went for the stuff dat i had quit and was enjoying it!The heat in da room rose a notch n i loosened da knot on my tie abit as well and savoured da taste it left on my tongue and da feeling it left as it went down my throat and just hit the spot filling me with sensory explosions on my taste buds!!!!!Dammit i was hooked and i knew it!!!
So i got off da high stool head hung low disappointed with maself ...and looked into the mirror and asked "Why on earth do fast food restaurants put a mirror in front of you as eat the most unhealthy food u can?"
Might as well grab maself a diet coke for ma conscience sake den....
Al get ma healthy back next year.

The best or Nothing.

The ideology of mercedes benz...and undoudtedly that of most old and lonely peeps coz as u live ur life waiting for Mr. or Miss right the world just comes and passses u by-or u end up with Miss take!So as one of us waits for that supermodel,who is sharp like a razor,a whore in bed,an economist in the supermarket, a prima donna to the kids and a chef in the kitchen u actualli just wear out from the waiting or become a chipser( read chips-UH!)
But then again isn't it ironical that some dudes who settle mapema wind up with a nag in the supermarket,a primma donna like a razor, a whore in the kitchen and an economist in bed?!
And don't even get me started on the brethren???

dats called L.I.F.E(Little Ironies Fully Expounded)

Horror-scope!?

So can anybody who looks at their hororscopes pliz tell me y the the hell they do??!cz am stumped!!!I guess am just totally freaked out the fact that either a guy can just look up and no wat my day will be like or that they think i'm dumb enuf to believe dat garbage!!!
But wat if u opened the papers and saw in the horoscope section that u'd av a fatal accident then as u continued to go thru the paper,found your picture "eroneouslly" in da obituary section?
WTF...
My sentiments exactly.

Dining at the HILL-TON

Well so since i'm trying to get my healthy back,jana i decided to go to dis ka "real african dishes" joint and true to their word they had african dishes u know gourds and the ish but terrible african food!!!
But the thing dat caught my was an item on the menu their "chicken VIP" ....I know!i was asking the same question wat da hell???
In campo they say that when the semester begins since you still av money u'll be eating chicken,then in the middle of the semester u'll be eating chicken products coz u avn't spent all your money n by the end of the sem. u'll be eating chicken feed coz of how broke your a** is!!But thats me being random,back to the VIP...
It comprises of chicken marinated with egg can you imajin how that would taste egg and chicken in the same mouthfull,isn't there like a law against doing that.But anyway,suffice it to say that that's the last time i visit the hill-ton.
Furahidayz just checked in!!!
The weekend is here!TGIF.